"I Felt So Much Awe and Respect For Him"

I offer my heartfelt Dandavat Pranams at the lotus feet of my most sweet beautiful Gurudeva.

During Gaura Purnima 2017 in Mayapur I asked Guru Maharaja to give me the Nrsringadev Mantra. I had heard that Srila Narayan Maharaja gave this special mantra to a select few disciples and I was encouraged by a senior devotee to get this mantra from him. I was at first hesitant to ask him because during my Harinam he had told me so many times that Harinam is everything and every mantra resides within the Hare Krsna mantra. Still, I decided to ask him for the mantra because I felt a desire to receive everything I possibly could from him.

When I asked him for the mantra he immediately told me that he would give it to me, but not in Mayapur. He said he would give it to me the next place I saw him. The next place I saw him was a few months later in Puri for Ratha Yatra and his Vyas Puja. I again asked him for the mantra and he said yes he will give it to me, and to come on the particular day when initiations were being held. Although I knew I had already hit the universal lottery by receiving Harinam and Diksa from him, the thought of possibly receiving another transcendental mantra from him was very exciting. Still, deep in my heart I kept hearing this voice telling me that I had already received everything from him. A few days before the initiation I was decorating the staircase outside his door with garlands and Madhava Priya Prabhu came up to me. He told me that Srila Maharaja had thought about my request and decided not to give me the Nrsringadev mantra because Srila Maharaja had never once seen his own Gurudeva give that mantra. I felt disappointed for about 5 seconds and then I just felt so much awe and respect for my Gurudeva. I was shown again how absolutely perfect he is. Although he is a pure devotee and can give anything, he is so completely surrendered to his Guru. He won’t do anything that isn’t in direct line with what his own Gurudeva did. Furthermore this experience also solidified that feeling in me that Harinam is everything. I knew he was planting this in my heart again and again.