"I Felt I Belonged"

When Vasanti Dasi and Symarani didi told me about Srila Bhakti Vijnana Bharati Goswami Maharaja, I was impressed and started looking up about him online. I must say I was astonished to read the entries on Facebook about Vaisnava seva and the glories of serving. I could not believe such powerful words, right there on the computer screen. I could feel my life changing as I read. I was immediately attracted and could resist no longer.

Shortly thereafter, with the help of Syamarani didi, I was initiated by Gurudeva via Skype and was able to go to India for a short trip to meet him. I really wanted to meet Gurudeva, and although the trip was really a huge austerity and a tad bit scary for me, I pushed on. I was initiated again by the grace of Gurudeva in Mayapura dhama. His asrama there was really so sweet, clearly indescribable.

I cannot remember the first exact time I saw my Gurudeva, but I do remember feeling that I belonged. I had a such a good, good feeling of love coming through me. Although I was quite confused about many things in life, I knew in my heart that I was not confused about seeing and meeting him. I love and relate totally to all his words and his very strong commitment to the holy names.

I can’t forget – once, as I was leaving to follow him to his car in Faridabad, I caught his eye and said ‘Hare Krsna’, he raised his hands straight into the air and said ‘Hare Krsna’ right to me.

Thinking of the exact things that I wanted to say is hard as really there are so many.

One story is really the most palpable. While I was visiting a friend in Mississippi, I went down to visit the cows. While I was petting a cow, somehow her horns hit my thigh with great force. It all happened so fast. Immediately, I started bleeding profusely and somehow managed to pull myself under the wire fence and to the street. The blood was coming out quickly, I could feel myself becoming weak. As I was laying there on the street alone, I must have passed out. I could suddenly feel Gurudeva holding me so close, it was so beautiful. I felt the embrace.

I was laying there hands up to signal someone for help and before you know it, someone came and wrapped my leg to stop the bleeding and took me to the hospital. I am quite certain that Gurudeva sent that help that day. His shelter, watching and holding me, is like a shield.

I am grateful for the fortune to have just seen such an exalted personality, let alone be his disciple. I truly don’t live up to the standards of what he would want. But I will continue to do what I can and never forget his wishes ever!

Jaya Gurudeva! Jai Jagannatha!